According to the reports, 90% of adults in serious relationships, like marriage, argue with their partners at least occasionally. Arguments are a part of a relationship as both persons involved come from different backgrounds, have different upbringings, and have different interests. It’s not the argument that is bad, but how it’s handled in the marriage.
A destructive argument can erode safety, trust, closeness, and intimacy over time. A constructive conflict can deepen love and connection, keeping the spark alive in the relationship. To help you handle your arguments properly, in this post, we’ll share with you 7 things to avoid during arguments if you want a healthy marriage.
7 Things to Avoid During Arguments to Keep Your Marriage Happy
What you say or do during the argument is what makes it bad and negatively affects your relationship. Remember these 7 things to avoid during arguments to keep your marriage happy and lasting forever.
Speak About the Issue, Not the Person
Arguments arise from issues, not the persons or their personalities. When one arises, be sure to discuss the problem and the way to solve it, rather than criticize the individual and their actions. Don’t blame your partner and express feelings using ‘I’ statements. Dr. John Gottman and Julie Gottman (2015) say that criticism is one of the Four Horsemen of marriage. If repeated, it can lead to serious issues.
Stay Present, Don’t Reopen Old Wounds
Keep the argument on the current issue and don’t drag up past fights or mistakes. Bringing in old issues overloads the conversation and makes everything confusing. If something from the past keeps coming up, handle it separately with peaceful conversations. Staying present on one thing makes fairness and clarity much easier.
Take Breaks Without Emotionally Disconnecting
What some spouses do wrong is to break off the argument while their partner is speaking. They just stop communicating without saying a word, thinking that it’ll end the argument. Instead, it may cause your partner to feel disrespected or neglected, which will only lead to more troubles and complicate the argument.
This is called stonewalling, and should be avoided at all costs. If you need a short break to process things or calm down, calmly explain to your partner that you need one. Scheduling a break demonstrates to your partner that you want to make things work.
Avoid Threats and Ultimatums
Never say things like “I’ll leave” or “I’ll never forgive you” during an argument. Threats create fear instead of understanding and push people to react out of stress, not love. They damage trust fast. State your boundaries calmly and invite collaboration. Pressure rarely builds healthy agreements; it just creates misunderstandings, so be mindful.
Respect Emotions, Even When You Disagree
Do not diminish your spouse’s emotions by using words such as “you’re overreacting”. Doing so upsets them and ruins trust in the relationship. You should validate your partner and be attentive as they speak. Make them feel understood so they know you’re listening. It reduces tension and builds emotional security between you both.
Listen Fully Without Interrupting
Interrupting your partner when they are speaking just worsens the argument. It is seen as dismissive and disrespectful, especially in marriage, where respect for your partner and their words is key.
Therefore, listen to your partner without interrupting them. Let them pour out their heart to you. Ask clarifying questions, nod, and make eye contact. This shows involvement, making them feel respected and cared for.
Keep Your Voice Calm
It is not good to shout in front of your spouse, as it may make them feel threatened and insecure. This makes it hard to communicate or resolve issues. A soft and predictable tone of voice urges one to talk and not walk away. If emotions run high, breathe, pause, and resume later. A calm voice makes dialogue constructive and helps find solutions.
Final Words
Arguments can’t be avoided in marriage as they’re a part of it. But by handling them properly, you can ensure that they don’t cause lasting damage to your relationship. To do that, there are 7 things to avoid during arguments if you want a healthy marriage.
These include avoiding criticism and personal attacks, stonewalling or shutting down, dwelling on the past, and making threats or ultimatums. Also, do not disregard or downplay feelings, interrupt or talk over your partner, or raise your voice and yell.
