Loving the Friction in the Conflict
By Joshua Hemingway, CPC, MHLC – LF3 Love Factor
Introduction: When Conflict Won’t Stay Quiet
Have you ever noticed how unresolved conflict has a sneaky way of showing up at the worst times?
Maybe it’s a quiet tension during dinner. Or an unspoken resentment that turns small comments into sharp jabs. It’s the emotional weight that settles in, heavy and lingering. You try to move forward, but something keeps pulling you back.
We often see conflict as a threat—a wedge that drives us further from the people we love. But what if it’s something else entirely? What if the very friction we try to avoid is actually the thing God wants to use to transform us?
A Personal Story: The Broken Dresser That Taught Me Everything
Over a decade ago, someone asked me to repurpose an old dresser into a bookshelf.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit—I’m not a handyman. So this task felt like climbing a mountain barefoot. The dresser was in rough shape: peeling paint, splinters, busted drawers. I started sanding it down, hoping to remake it into something useful. But I didn’t finish.
Life got busy. The dresser sat there—half-done, ugly, and demanding attention every time I walked by. It became a reminder of something I hadn’t finished. Something unresolved.
Just like unresolved conflict in our relationships.
The Parallel: Conflict Is Like a Half-Sanded Dresser
That unfinished dresser taught me a powerful lesson.
It wasn’t until I leaned into the friction—the hard, messy work of sanding it down—that I began to see change. Dust flew. The workspace got chaotic. But little by little, that old, broken dresser started to look like something new. Like it had purpose again.
Unattended conflict is like that dresser. It catches your attention in all the wrong ways. It annoys you, embarrasses you, and makes you want to look away. But conflict left alone doesn’t heal. It festers.
It’s only through the friction—the hard conversations, the vulnerability, the grace—that the transformation begins.
Biblical Wisdom: God Works Through Friction
There’s a reason Scripture says:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpening iron isn’t a smooth, painless process. It’s gritty. It causes sparks. But it’s essential for growth. In God’s design, friction isn’t a flaw—it’s a tool. A holy tool for refinement.
Frederick Douglass once said, “Where there is no struggle, there is no progress.”
In the same way, without conflict, there’s no transformation.
Embracing the Mess: Friction as a Path to Renewal
When I finally finished sanding that dresser, it didn’t look broken anymore. It didn’t look unfinished. It looked like it had been redeemed.
And that’s what healthy conflict can do in your life.
It smooths out the rough edges.
It reveals hidden hurts.
It invites honest conversations.
It gives you a clean slate.
The friction may be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Without it, we’re just walking past the same sore spot over and over again—never healed, never whole.
Final Thoughts: Love the Friction
So what if we flipped the script? What if we learned to love the friction in our conflicts—not because it feels good, but because of what it can create?
Let’s stop pretending that avoiding conflict makes us holy or peaceful. True peace comes not from the absence of conflict, but from walking through it with grace and courage. With God.
Conflict doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re being reshaped.
Refined.
Restored.
So next time you feel the tension rising—pause.
Breathe.
Lean in.
And trust that even in the friction, God is at work.
Have you experienced growth through conflict in your relationships? Share your story in the comments below. Let’s grow together.
