Thriving (Not Just Surviving) Summer with Your Kids — And Keeping the Spark with Your Spouse
-Matthew Rowe, Ph.D., CPC, BCMMHC.
Ah, summer. That magical time when your kids are suddenly always home, your snack pantry is mysteriously empty by 10:13 a.m., and you’re somehow sweating before you’ve even made your coffee. If you’re not careful, summer break can turn from sweet memories and sunshine into chaos, crankiness, and “don’t make me count to three!”
But here’s the good news: you don’t have to merely survive summer — you can THRIVE in it. And not just with your kids, but also in your marriage. In fact, thriving as a family starts with one key relationship: your spouse.
Let’s dig in—with a mix of wit, wisdom, and a bit of Jesus.
1. Prioritize Your Marriage Like You Prioritize Sunscreen
(Apply daily and reapply often.)
It’s easy to shift into “family mode” and treat your spouse like your co-captain in a leaky canoe. But your marriage isn’t just a logistics partnership. It’s the foundation of your family’s joy. When your kids see you laughing together, hugging in the kitchen, and flirting over tacos, it gives them a sense of safety and joy. Your love teaches them how to love.
Practical Tip:
Morning check-ins + weekly connection = marriage magic.
Before the chaos begins, take 5–10 minutes each morning to connect. No screens. Just coffee and eye contact. Pray together, ask how the other’s feeling, and remind yourselves that you’re on the same team.
Schedule one night a week (yes, even in summer!) for a “porch date,” post-bedtime ice cream, or card games in the garage. It doesn’t have to be fancy — just consistent.
“Seek first the kingdom of God…” Yes, and also seek first your spouse. In doing both, you model what a godly home looks like.
2. Parent with Heart, Not Just a Whistle
(Though a whistle can be helpful.)
Summer can feel like a sport — lots of running, shouting, and questionable refereeing. But if we want to create real heart connection with our kids, we have to slow down, get eye-level, and lean in emotionally, not just logistically.
Practical Tip:
Trade control for connection.
Start the day with a family huddle. One minute of eye contact, hugs, and a simple question like, “What’s one fun thing you want to do today?” This shifts the tone from survival to shared joy.
Use bedtime intentionally. It’s when kids are most open. Ask, “What made you feel loved today?” or “Is there anything on your heart?” It’s like holy ground — and often where deep connection sneaks in with toothbrushes and bedtime breath.
3. Embrace the Mess. Invite the Meaning.
Look, summer’s going to be messy. There will be sticky counters, sunscreen streaks, and emotional meltdowns (sometimes from you). But don’t let the mess scare you away from meaning.
Your kids don’t need a Pinterest-perfect summer. They need YOU — emotionally present, spiritually grounded, and yes, occasionally yelling, “Where are your shoes?!”
Practical Tip:
Let your calendar reflect your values.
Schedule “margin days.” These are slow days with nothing but rest and togetherness.
Invite your kids into what matters: family devotions, serving neighbors, doing something kind for Dad. Spiritual moments aren’t just for Sundays — they’re for sprinkling in like sugar on strawberries.
Jesus didn’t say, “Let the children come to Me… after they’ve finished their chores.” He welcomed them mid-chaos. You can too.
4. Say Yes to What Fuels You (and No Without Guilt)
Thriving doesn’t mean doing everything. It means doing the right things. Your soul matters. Your spouse’s sanity matters. Your kids don’t need a packed schedule — they need a peaceful parent.
Practical Tip:
Build a rhythm, not a routine.
Create a summer rhythm with flexible anchors (like reading after lunch, quiet time before dinner, walks after breakfast).
Say “no” to things that drain the whole family, even if they sound fun on paper. A peaceful yes is better than a pressured maybe.
5. Fight for Fun — Together
Summer is full of chances to laugh — if we let it. Water balloon fights, dance parties in the kitchen, making s’mores until someone’s hair gets a little too close to the fire. Laughter is glue for your family. And it’s a gift from God.
Practical Tip:
Be the most joyful person in the house at least once a day.
Surprise your spouse with their favorite snack.
Initiate a ridiculous family game.
Tell a story from your childhood that makes everyone giggle.
The more fun you fight for, the more memories you’ll treasure — and the more connected your home will feel.
In Conclusion…
Summer isn’t a gauntlet to run — it’s a sacred space to enjoy.
Yes, it’ll be loud. Yes, it’ll be messy.
But with intention, a whole lot of grace, and the Spirit of God guiding your home, it can be a season of deep connection, joy, and love that lasts.
And remember: the best way to love your kids is to love your spouse first. Prioritize that relationship, and everything else tends to align — like wet swimsuits on the porch railing.
So here’s to thriving this summer — together.
You’ve got this. And God’s got you.
