Why Communication Breaks Down in Marriage?

Communication breaks down in marriage can cause ( is the root cause of ) many marital issues, such as frequent fights, trust issues, loneliness, and sometimes divorce. As Oscar Wilde says, “Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.”

Why does communication break down in marriage? Usually, it happens due to unresolved conflicts, different communication styles, lack of respect, or emotional distance. Let’s learn about more reasons behind communication breakdown in marriage and how you can fix it.

What’s Communication Breakdown?

Communication breakdown is when couples stop communicating and discussing openly about their misunderstandings and disagreements. 

According to research in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 55% of divorcing parents cited growing apart, and 53% (of them) pointed to poor communication (as the sole reason).

Similarly, a YourTango.com survey of mental health professionals found communication issues (65%) and unresolved conflict (43%) were the most common reasons (why) couples ultimately chose divorce.

7 Signs Your Marriage Is In a Communication Breakdown

These are the signs (for a) lack of communication in marriage:

• You’ve Stopped Dreaming Together: You never (discuss) about your goals and future plans, like fun trips or outings, like you used to.
• Every Chat Turns Into a Fight: Trivial things start arguments that lead to big fights.
• You Feel Distant: You feel alone even when you’re living together. You’re not connected emotionally or physically.
• You Keep Cutting Each Other Off: A sentence starts, and you cut each other off before it even completes.
• No More Sweet moments: The (touch), loving eye contacts and the precious smiles that are the beauty of a relationship have lost.
• It Feels Like a Competition: Whenever you talk, you try to put each other down, trying to dominate the talk. You try harder to prove each other wrong, which causes further arguments.
• You Speak Without Saying a Word: You stay quiet, but your silence, eye rolls, and cold tone( says) it all.

Why Communication Breaks Down in Marriage?- Reasons Unravelled

These are the most common reasons for communication breakdown in a marriage:

Unmet Expectations Hurt the Relationship

Real married life is totally different from what the movies, books, and social media show you. If you marry expecting constant happiness, fun, and an effortless, strong connection, then you’re (absolutely)wrong.

When these unrealistic expectations are not met, the anger, frustration, and emotional distance (starts) to take over the relationship.

Listening Gets Overlooked

Couples want to talk and be listened to. When either of them feels unheard while talking, it can create several issues in the relationship.

The stress grows as both aren’t able to express their feelings or openly say what they do or don’t want. They both feel ignored and dismissed, which makes them sad and distant from one another.

Prioritizing Each Other Fades

When a partner starts putting their needs, wants, and desires first, the other one feels left out and ignored.

It leads to fights between them for attention and dominance over things that don’t end well. If it keeps happening, the couple may stop communicating or even part ways for a better option.

Misunderstandings Build Walls

Every relationship has misunderstandings here and there that are easily resolved through communication. If they keep piling up and you don’t talk, things get worse. Without clear communication, even trivial things can start (lead to )big fights.

Then, voices raise, behaviors get violated, the war of words and arguments starts. That often ends up increasing tension and disturbing the relationship, leading to a communication breakdown.

Negative Body Language 

Words are not as powerful as your body language. Couples feel disconnected and irritated when they cross their arms, roll their eyes, or speak in a harsh tone. 

Even little things like looking away, skipping touch, or seeming distant can sting like rejection, growing pain, and suspicion over time.

Exaggerated Language

When you or your spouse throw out “You always” or “You never” in a harsh way, it paints a wrong picture. 

It makes the other feel attacked and judged. This shuts down real talk, increases defensiveness, and hurts more than it helps in sorting out problems.

Disrespect Breaks the Bond

Insulting, name-calling, or mocking your spouse in front of others or even in front of them isn’t a joke. 

It hurts them, and if it doesn’t stop, it can bring long-term sadness and separation. This fear of being ridiculed and made fun of stops communication and leads to more issues.

Holding on to the Past

Rehashing old fights and pain only exacerbates the hurt and( brings)distance in a marriage. Stress increases when one partner picks at the past or demands an apology. It is impossible to alter the past. 

Hence, instead of bearing it being talked about, couples stop having real communication with open and honest hearts.

Blaming Each Other

When the “we” switches to “I,” especially when something goes wrong, that’s when the relationship starts to collapse. If you blame your partner even when you had a part in the issue, then it’ll annoy them.

It’ll give them emotional tension that may pull them away from you gradually. Most couples do it and focus more on what their partner did wrong instead of focusing on finding the solutions.

Stress 

Stress is a big reason communication fails in marriage. Work or home chores keep the tension high. 

This overwhelms people, driving them apart from their spouse emotionally and physically. It makes staying close tough, and if ignored, it can lead to lasting silence.

Intimacy Feels Out of Reach

Intimacy is a beautiful part of a marriage, and it’s what fulfills it. It’s what keeps the couple engaged and close to one another. When the partners don’t prioritize, their relationship starts having issues. 

They no longer stay close or have trust. Their relationship becomes cold, distant, and unfulfilling, which can lead to long-term silence.

How To Fix The Communication Breakdown In Marriage?

You can fix your communication breakdown with your partner by simply addressing the four pitfalls that cause it and stress in the relationship.

A famous psychiatrist, Dr. John, spent 40 years researching thousands of couples, and he found these four pitfalls to be the reason for their stressed relationships. He calls them “The Four Horsemen.”

He has also given some great suggestions that you can use to strengthen your relationship with your partner by improving communication.

Contempt

Contempt is when your spouse acts like they’re above you. They don’t say it outright, but show it with eye rolls, name-calling, or mocking you. This behavior eats up the love and the connection and creates doubt.

Suggestion

• Speak respectfully with your partner and make them feel loved.
• Praise them frequently, even when they do small good things
• Say thank you often
• Notice and express affection regularly
  

Defensiveness

When you get defensive after being blamed, you dodge the issue and leave your spouse feeling ignored and slighted. 

It’s as if you’re saying, “It’s not me, it’s you” or “I didn’t mess up, you did.” This makes the arguments even worse and can end communication for a long time.

Suggestion:

• Admit your part in the issue
• Don’t make excuses
• Show that you’re open to working through things
• Respond with calm and honesty

Stonewalling

Stonewalling is when one spouse clams up during a fight, tuning out emotionally. While the other talks or argues, they look away, making it seem like they’re not even there. It happens when they’re flooded and don’t know how to keep going.

Suggestion

• Take a short break from the conversation
• Use the break to calm yourself down
• Don’t ignore your partner, just ask for space kindly
• Come back to the talk once you’re ready
  

Criticism

Criticism is different from complaining. Complaining is about what’s wrong; criticism targets the person.

When you point fingers or highlight their flaws instead of the issue, it makes your partner feel attacked. If it constantly happens, it can turn into a deep contempt.

Suggestion

• Always start talking with “I”, not “You.”
• Focus on how you’re feeling, not what they do wrong.
• Be gentle when bringing up problems
• Ask for what you need without blame

Additional Tips To Fix Issues In Communication in Marriages

These are some additional tips to improve communication in marriage.

• Speak up soon: Try to speak up as early as possible. Don’t let your heart fill up with too many things before you open up.
• Listen closely: Listen to your partner carefully when they’re talking to you. If you’re on your phone, put it down while they’re talking to you.
• Skip the past: The past is gone, so you better not pick it. Focus on the problems and try to solve them.
• Be straight about needs: Don’t drop hints or expect them to guess.
• Give thanks often: Even for little stuff, it goes a long way.
• Clear up confusion: Ask questions instead of assuming the wrong thing.
• Cool off when tense: A quick break is better than saying something you’ll regret.
• Make time together: Just ten minutes alone can bring you closer.

Final Words ( make the below mentioned more attractive and summarise all the above details)

When a couple starts avoiding healthy communication, they often hide a mountain of pain, misunderstanding, and complaints in their hearts.

Since they never speak up, they never get to resolve these issues, which could lead to divorce in the worst cases. However, why does communication breaks down in marriage?

Communication in marriage breaks down when couples stop listening and expect their partner to just know things.

When you keep your feelings inside and don’t spend enough time together, you start to grow apart. 

Small problems build up, your actions become cold, and instead of being kind, you start blaming each other. Using harsh words and avoiding honest talks only makes it harder to fix things.

Over time, the silence gets louder, and the connection fades. To fix your communication with your partner, you need to listen better, stay calm, express clearly, be honest, and make time.

FAQ